


The World Is A Cruel Place

by Prince_Jonah



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal Sex, Blowjobs, Destiel - Freeform, F/M, Gay Sex, Homophobia, Jacking off, Love, M/M, Mentions of Suicide and Depression, Parties, Rough Sex, Sexual Harassment, Trust Issues, Underage Drinking, Violence, cancer au, more characters will be added as the story goes on - Freeform, self hate, top and bottom cas, top and bottom dean
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-01
Updated: 2015-11-10
Packaged: 2018-04-24 05:25:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4907137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Prince_Jonah/pseuds/Prince_Jonah
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak doesn't think he needs anyone; that is until he meets his friend's older brother at a party and his whole world is turned around. Dean shows him that there's more to life than what it seems. However, like all things, loving someone comes at a cost.</p><p>This story is about the struggles of loving someone with cancer and the aftermath that follows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Well hello Dean Winchester!

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine and mine alone

Relationships were so seemingly simple. You found someone you liked, went on dates with them, maybe grew to love them and eventually marry them if you were lucky enough. To me it just seemed so pointless, deciding to spend the rest of your life with just one person, why would anyone want to do that?

That’s what I’d always thought until the day I met a man named Dean Winchester.

It was the beginning of the summer in 2010 and I had gotten invited to an end of the year party at a friend’s house that he hosted every year since the eighth grade. I hadn’t gone to the past two previous parties because the one year I was grounded, which was actually just an excuse to get out of it because I didn’t really think parties were all that great when I was sixteen and last year I couldn’t go because of work.

I was going to weasel my way out of this one as well, but my older sister Lucy insisted that I should go since it’s the last year that I would ever be able to do this.

“Come on Cas, don’t tell me you’re scared of a little social interaction. What if you meet some hot girl and you fall madly in love?” She wound her delicate hands together and pretended to swoon, her long dirty blonde hair swaying with her.

“I don’t know,” I shrugged, tapping my pen against the kitchen table, “And I’m not really into girls remember?” I looked up at her from my homework that I’d hardly touched, I think it was chemistry. She made a face at what I’d said.

“Fine, maybe it’ll be a smoking hot guy,” Her greenish-blue eyes narrowed, “Maybe you’ll get laid,” She paused for a moment, “Again.” I closed my book with more forced then needed, cutting her off.

“Was that last part really that necessary?” I sighed.

“Yes, yes it was. You’re always going after these cute guys; maybe shake it up a bit? Ask a freaking girl out for Christ’s sake!” She laughed, but I knew she was serious. Her and my parents never said they didn’t approve of me liking men, but they sure as hell didn’t encourage it. “I’ll even come to the party with you, you know I like a good party.”

“No, I don’t think you understand. His parties fucking suck and the only reason people go is because he lives with his older brother and always has tons of alcohol there,” I explained as I got up out of my chair, collecting my things. “And last year two girls got pregnant,” I added.

“Sounds like blast, let’s go,” She sang.

And that’s how eighteen year old me ended up walking the three blocks down to Sam’s house with my sister walking next to me. Lucy didn’t know how to get there and she wanted to take the car, but it told her not to bother since it wasn’t that far of a walk. I decided to wear a pair of worn jeans with holes in the knees and a black AD/CD shirt. Lucy decided to wear a yellow knee length dress and white leggings with matching flats and had her hair tucked behind her ears.

As we approached the house music could be heard coming from one of a window they had open. There were people playing corn hole in the front yard who I’d never seen before, probably from the college that was nearby.

We walked up the sidewalk to the front door that was open, on the front was a piece of paper that said ‘ _All are welcome, please come in’_.

“There are a lot of people here,” Lucy commented when we walked through the doorway when someone almost bumped into her.

“Word spreads fast when Winchester says he’s throwing a party-“ Someone tackled me out of nowhere, making me stumble backwards, almost bumping into someone with a beer in his hand.

“Hey, watch it Sammy!” The man hissed when some of it sloshed over the edge of the bottle and onto the hardwood floor. Sam who had been the one that tackled me lifted me up effortlessly and swung me around in a circle before putting me down. He let out a laugh when he saw that I was disoriented from the motion.

He always greeted me like and I hated it. The main reason was that I get motion sickness very, _very_ easily. It’s also one of the main reasons why I can’t drive a car or that I haven’t ridden a bike in probably twelve years, but I usually just kept that last part to myself.

I had closed my eyes while I tried to steady myself so at first I didn’t see the man who we’d just avoided. Sam laughed, slapping my back, making my eyes snap open and I turned to glare at him. He just started laughed even harder. “Sorry, Cas.” He obviously already had a drink or two or maybe more, it was always hard to tell with him. I turned to the guy we almost bumped into to apologize, my words got caught in my throat when I finally got a decent look at him.

He was very good looking, tall, not as tall as Sam, but that was pretty normal since he usually towered over just about anyone, must be nice being 6’4 I’d always thought. He had short dirty blonde hair that was styled nicely, had just the right amount of muscle on him, not too lean not too buff and these beautiful green eyes.

“Have we met before?” He asked before I could get anything out of my mouth.

“I, uh,” I cleared my throat, “I don’t think so,” He hummed before taking a swing from the beer bottle, holding his other hand out for me to shake.

“I’m Dean Winchester,” He smiled. So this was the infamous older brother of Sam. I took his hand into mine and shook it.

“Castiel Novak.” The smile on his lips twitched upward a little. We let go of each other’s hands. He was about to say something, but Lucy interjected.

“Well I see you found a new friend,” She chimed, “I’m gonna go find a drink and I’ll catch up with you boys later,” She turned to leave but stopped and turned back to look at me. “And Cas you better behave,” She gave me a knowing look before she winked and left for the kitchen.

Sam just laughed and said something about going back to his girlfriend Jessica and then left us as well. Dean turned to me, “What was that all about? You gay or somethin’?” He joked.

“Actually I am,” I replied confidently. That smile was back on his face again.

“Hmm,” He took another drink of his beer.

 

As the party progressed Dean and I got closer. At some point we decided to go outside and sit on the porch to get away from some of the noise and people so we could talk in piece. Whenever we both finished a drink we were nursing one of us would go grab two more. I’d already had four beers and I was done pretty well at that point, but he still asked if I wanted another drink when he got up out of his chair.

“Sure,” I got up as well this time, swaying a little bit, “Maybe something different this time.” He put a hand on my shoulder to steady me, a smirk tugged at his face.

“Are you sure?” I nodded. “Okay,” He replied and motioned for me to follow him into the house where he led me into the kitchen. There weren’t as many people as there were earlier, maybe 10. We passed Sam, Jess, Lucy and most of the people who were left were playing a card game on the floor in the living room. We turned the corner and we were now in a clean kitchen with white tiled floors, dark wood cupboards and an island in the middle with some stools that matched the cupboards. I sat down on one at the end and rested my hands on the cool surface.

“We have vodka, whisky and peach snops,” He rattled off while he got two shot classes out of their cupboard, “Or I can make sex on the beach if you want?” He asked over his shoulder, looking directly into my eyes, making my heart skip a beat.

“I’d love sex on the beach,” I smiled, wiggled my eyebrows suggestively. He gave me a knowing glance, biting his lip before he turned around to get a bigger glass out. He walked over to the fridge to get out the orange and cranberry juice. He bent over to get the items and I got a nice view of his ass straining against his jeans. I swallowed loudly, licking my lips that suddenly felt dry. Familiar warmth started to spread in my chest and worked its way down between my legs at the sight of Dean. My imagination drifted to thinking about what it would feel like to be on top of him, moving in and out of his tight ass, or the other way around. I wasn’t particularly picky, though I prefer topping.

“How much vodka to you want in it?” He asked as he stood up straight with the items, looking over at me.

 _No. I’m not doing this today. I’m not fucking up another potential friendship._ I shook my head to get the thoughts out of my head

“Cas?” Dean furrowed his brows in confusion, “Y’all right there buddy?” I cleared my throat.

“Yeah, I’m good,” I smiled, “Just however much you usually put in is fine.” He nodded and he started making it, walking over with tall pinkish drink with ice and a straw in it in one hand and a bottle of whisky and shorter glass for himself in the other. He handed me the pink one I took it, my fingers brushing against his in the process, making my heart skip a beat. “Thanks.” I tried to push the feelings down as I took a sip of my drink, letting out a cough and winced at the taste. It tasted somewhat sweet, but the burn of alcohol was almost over powering.

“Too much?” He laughed, sitting next to me on another stool. I shook my head and took another sip, this time prepared for it. He hummed and poured himself some whisky while he watched me. His face shifted as if he remembered something, looking weary. He cleared his throat, “How old did you say you were?”

“I never said how old I was. I’m 18.” His face visibly relaxed and he took another drink. The hints of a smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Why?” I raised my eyebrow, he just shrugged in response.

“Making sure I’m not giving alcohol to some underage teenager.”

“But I am underage-“

“You know what I mean,” He laughed, “Like a kid, like sixteen, I don’t know.” There was something else he was trying to get at with my age, something… I couldn’t place it. Maybe it was the alcohol clouding my thoughts. I was suddenly aware again that we weren’t alone from the loud laughing that came from the room over.

“Loud,” I accidentally out loud. He finished off what he had in his glass then poured himself some more, hopping off his seat a little ungracefully.

“Want to go somewhere quieter?” His look was suggestive, but I nodded regardless. I slowly got up from the chair, swaying again. He steadied me again and smile asking me if I was alright and I nodded again. He smiled and took my hand, leading me upstairs to his room. His room was simple. White walls, two posters on his them one was an AC/DC and some other thing that I couldn’t remember what it was (Starwars). There was a dark wood desk by the wall with a pile of books on it and a flat screen T.V. where he put his drink down on. I took another gulp from mine before setting it down next to his.

I’d remember what I had told myself earlier about not wanting to screw up another possible friendship, but that thrown out the window when the door to his room was closed behind me. Not a second later his lips were on mine and I did nothing to protest. He pushed me back towards his bed until the back of my legs hit it, making him fall on top of me. Our tongues and mouths moved together like there was no tomorrow, his kissing very desperate and needy, I almost couldn’t keep up.

One on my hands was tangled in his hair, the other traveled down his back until it rested just above his ass. He ground his hips against mine, making my breath hitch and him moan into the kiss. He broke it a moment after that so we could catch our breath. We continued to rut against each other, not caring if anyone could hear us; that is until tilted my head to the side and let out a particularly loud moan. I opened my eyes that I had closed at some point without realizing when he stopped moving.

“You’re too loud,” He growled in a low voice. He looked away from me over to the nightstand that had a radio on it. He leaned up off of me over to it and turned it on, tuning it to a random station that was playing classic rock, turning it up so it was loud, but not too loud. He came back down to me with a devilish smile. He kissed his way from my mouth all the way down my neck, looking up at me, dragging his hands down my chest as he worked his way down to my belt. “Let’s get this party started.”

I woke up some time later. The room was dimly lit by the sunlight that peaked through the white shades that covered what was either a large window or patio door. I seemed okay enough until I decided to try and sit up, the pain that shot up my back turning into a terrible throbbing pain in my skull. “Ugh,” I groaned.

Someone next to me stirred from under the grey comforter. The memories from last night suddenly hit me like a brick. Dean and us drinking and talking and getting closer and me telling myself that it couldn’t end like how it almost always ends up being, yet it still did.

Then again I wasn’t the one that initiated like how it usually was. I mean I was being jokingly suggestive, but he was the one that made the first move, right? I couldn’t remember the exact details. Actually, I couldn’t remember much of anything after climbing the stairs. He stirred again next to me and this time he rolled over mumbling something. He was even cuter when he was sleeping, the smile on my face soon faded.

_Oh shit I slept over his house. I slept with my friend’s brother and stayed the night._

I slowly got up from the bed and realized that I was in fact still very naked. I started to look around for my clothes, when a voice made me jump. “Leaving so soon,” He sighed. I turned around to look at him, still startled. His eyes were half lidded and he had that stupid smile on his face. He sat up, the blanket falling from his chest and onto his lap, stretching his arms over his head, showing off his muscles. “That was some of the best sex I have ever had,” He groaned.

“I wish I could say the same,” Came out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Dean- Dean was his name right? He looked at me with cocked eyebrow before that softened into a small unsure smile.

“You seemed like you were enjoying yourself,” He rubbed the back of his neck, “You could have told me to stop.” Slight panic filled my chest.

“Oh, no, no, I didn’t mean it like that! I just mean like, I just don’t remember anything, you know?” Dean looked at me skeptically.

“Oh okay, well,” He coughed and pointed to my neck, “I’m not sure you’ll be able to cover those.” He gestured to a full length mirror on the wall by his closet. I slowly got up to look at myself, not surprised when my reflection came into view to reveal hickeys on my neck, collarbones and chest. What did surprise me was that there were dozens of them.

A “Wow,” Slipped from my lips and I placed a hand over my neck. Dean just chuckled.

“Yeah, sorry… I guess I just like marking people up,” He shrugged. I looked back over to him and realized he had a couple marks from me peppering his neck.

“I’m not the only one who got marked up,” I pointed out. His smile fell and turned into pure horror.

“Oh fuck, are you serious?!” He jumped from the bed and practically ran over to the mirror, bumping into me in the process. He analyzed the hickeys all over his neck; some of them were diffidently too high to be covered. “ _FUCK!”_ I reflexively flinched when he yelled. His head whipped over his shoulder, “I freaking work tomorrow man, what the hell?!” I just looked at him like he was crazy.

“Dude, you’re fucking complaining about having five or six of those things?” I gestured to my body, “Do you even see what you did to my neck and chest?? I won’t be able to go without a shirt on for a month, let alone a hoodie!” He turned his body to me, letting me get a nice view of his body from head to toe. He waved a hand in front of my face.

“First off, no, no checking out what you had the privilege of fucking last night and not even remembering like a good fuck partner would do,” He scolded, “And second turn around.” Fear struck me at the suggestion, what else had he done to me?

I slowly turned around in the mirror, craning my neck to see what the damage was. “Oh my _God,_ ” I gasped. There were dozens more covering my back, along with scratches and a couple bite marks. I swallowed loudly at the sight and turned to him. “Are you sure we had sex? Because to me it just looks like you gave me hickeys the entire night.” He laughed again and walked over to his closet to grab some clothes.

“No, we had sex,” he replied in a matter-of-factual tone. He jutted hit pointer finger at me. “And you were fucking loving when my mouth was on you,” He smirked. There was a knock at the door that interrupted our somewhat heated conversation. “Who is it?” Dean hollered while he pulled up a pair of sweats.

“It’s me,” Sam’s voice filtered through the barrier. “Lucy says she needs Castiel back so they can go home before their parents get back.” Dean looked back to me with a perplexed look and tossed me a pair of sweats as well.

“You live with your parents?”

“Yeah,” I shrugged while I pulled them up. I looked up just in time to catch a hoodie that was thrown at my face. “Oh t-thank you,” I stuttered and he laughed again, God that laugh was beautiful and I could really get used to it. “I’m not done with school yet and I’d like to at least finish high school before I live on my own, one less thing to worry about.” I explained as I pulled the hoodie over my head and looked in the mirror. It covered most of the bruises except for one that was on the upper part of my neck by my ear. I let out a loud sighed and rubbed grit from my eyes.

“Hey,” Dean said from behind me. “Do you want my number?” He asked sheepishly. “Y-you know, in case they give you trouble about the hickeys.” I turned to him and he still didn’t have a shirt on and it didn’t look like he was going to put one on.

“It’s not like they’re going to kill me,” I laughed halfheartedly, “They’ve caught me with hickeys before,” I explained, adjusting the hood.

“But do you want to trade numbers?” He pushed.

“For what? So we can fuck again?” He gave me a funny look.

“Well, yeah I’d like to do something like that again, but I was interested in more, you know a relationship…?” He squeezed the last part out, bracing himself for rejection. I was at a loss for words; did he really just ask me that?

“Really? You’d want to be in a relationship with me? Me of all people?” He nodded. “Why? We just met me yesterday and we fucked so why?” His face softened.

“Because I really enjoyed myself last night, not just because we had bomb-ass sex, but because felt like I could actually connect and talk without feeling like I was trying too hard.” He was twiddling his thumbs nervously as he spoke. “I haven’t felt that in a long time.”

I thought about it for a moment.

“Okay.” His face instantly lit up at my words with one of the biggest smiles I’ve ever seen. He walked over to me and kissed me. “Ew morning breath,” I pushed him away and he laughed, turning and walking over to my pile of clothes on the tan colored carpet. He brought them back over to me still smiling. I thanked him and felt around the clothing for my phone. Once I found it I asked him for his number and gave him mine.

We both made our way out of his room and down the hall together talking about where we both worked, what are schedules were, that turning into what classes I was taking in school. I found out he worked with his uncle fixing cars and such so he didn’t get to go home until either he finished the jobs he had for that day or about to fall over from sleep deprivation. I told him that I worked part time at a convenience store, but it was only temporary until I finished school.

We rounded the corner and went down the stairs into the living room where we were greeted by an angry Lucy.

“What the hell Cas,” She was pissed I knew that much, but her face twisted in to something even scarier when she caught sight of the hickeys. She charged at me and yanked the fabric to the side. “What the fuck are these?!” She looked angrily from me to him. “You do realize our parents are doing to see these, right?” She hissed.

“Sorry?” He tried and failed.

“Why are you saying sorry to me? Castiel is the one you should be sorry for!” She let go of the fabric that was around my neck and grabbed my arm instead, pulling me towards the door. “We’re leaving.” I turned to Dean who was still standing there at a loss for words.

“I’ll text you later!” I yelled as I was pushed through the door way. She slammed the door shut as soon as we were through and started speed walking ahead of me. And it was like that the entire way home. I tried catching up to her at one point but she just kept walking faster so I stopped trying.

I looked at my phone when I got inside our house it was around ten. Lucy was nowhere in sight, instead it was someone who was ten times worse.

My mother.


	2. Games, Winchesters And Pizza?

 “Cas.” She got up from the kitchen table and walked slowly over to me.

“Hi,” I replied quietly as she got closer. Her green eyes scanned me until they fell on the hickey, making her frown. She pushed her graying brown hair back out of her face and tucked it behind her ear.

“Oh, Castiel,” She sighed.

“It was an accident,” I mumbled. She just gave me the typical parent look letting me know that she knew I was full of shit.

“When has it even not been an accident? Almost every time you come home from a “friends” house or a party, you have those awful things on your neck.” She rubbed her hand over her forehead in annoyance and embarrassment. “One of these days I’m going to get a call that you knocked up some random girl!” It was my turn to sigh.

“I’m not going to be knocking up any girls, mom.” She started walking away from me to go sit back down at the table where she had her coffee and a book.

“You don’t know that! Condoms can only do so much and-“

“I really don’t need to be having this talk right now,” I cut her off as I made my way towards the stairs, “And I like guys remember? So like stop worrying about me getting some girl pregnant.” And there it was the elephant in the room. Her eyes left mine and returned to her book and drink without another word.

I walked upstairs quickly and shut my door more force than needed, as if it would let her know that I was pissed. I walked past a pile of laundry on the floor that needed to be washed and tossed what I had in my arms on top of it and plopped face first onto my bed. The low throbbing pain in my skull had returned tenfold as I laid there taking it all in.

Dean was hot, funny, nice and apparently great in bed. And I, well I was great in bed and kind of smart I guess but those were my only attributes that I and pretty much everyone else saw about myself. That’s what it seemed like anyway.

A bell rang out, breaking my thoughts that would have undoubtedly kept getting darker and darker until I was mentally unable to get out of bed. My mother just referred to my ongoing depression as “Being lazy” and “Not getting enough sleep,” clearly not understanding what was going on in my head.

My ringtone rang out again from the pile of clothes letting me know that I had gotten another text from someone. I slowly got up from my bed so I could look through the articles of clothing to find the device. I clicked the home button on it, making it light up and reveal that I had two texts from an unknown number.

‘ **Hey, it’s Dean.’**

The first one read.

**‘I hope your parents aren’t giving you too much trouble…’**

I smiled at the second one without realizing it and responded.

‘ ** _It’s okay she didn’t freak out, like I said earlier she’s used to my bullshit.’_**

Not twenty seconds later he wrote back.

**‘Alright if you say so…’**

**‘What are you doing next weekend?’**

I squinted at the small screen before replying.

**_‘Why?’_ **

**‘I was thinking we could maybe hang out or somethin? Order pizza, play video games Idk.’**

I was kind of taken aback by his message. It meant one of two things, either he wanted to actually hang out or he wanted to have sex again, probably the later.

_‘ **Do you actually mean that? Or is it just an excuse to get me to come over again so we can have sex?’**_

It took him longer to text back this time, almost three minutes. I walked over to my bed and sat down on the navy blue comforter. My phone dinged again when I had his sweatshirt half way over my head; once I got it off I picked up the phone again.

**‘I watn to hang out. I want to get to know you better and maybe after that we can have sex if you want.’**

It took me a moment to think of what I wanted to reply with. He actually wanted to take the time to get to know me better and that actually made me feel both happy yet scared. What if we started going steady and he found out something about me that he absolutely hated? What if he just stopped liking me one day?

“Castiel, do you me to make you anything for lunch?” My mother’s voice startled me, making me jump off the bed and running over to the door before she could open it and see all the damage Dean had done to me. I got to it just in time to lock it. “Castiel? Why did you lock the door?” She jiggled the handle.

“I, uh…” I cleared my throat, “I’m not decent and I had something to eat at Sam and Dean’s house,” I lied.

“Can I come in? I’d like to be able to talk to you face to face instead of talking to the damn door.” She still didn’t sound completely okay, but at least she wasn’t as angry as she was earlier. I unlocked and opened the door so I could stick my head out.

“There, happy?” She frowned.

“No I’m not,” She sighed. It seemed like she wanted to talk about something that was pressing at her mind but instead she settled for asking about Sam. “I haven’t heard you talk about Sammy in a while. How is that boy?”

“He’s good I guess? He has an older brother named Dean that I’d never me before until last night.”

“Is he the one that gave you those?” Ah and there it was, the question she wanted to ask about who marked up her boy.

“That’s none of your business,” I snipped.

“So it was.” I rolled my eyes in response and shut the door. “Rude,” She called out and I ignored her and returned to replying to Dean.

**_‘Sounds like a date.’_ **

Dean and I decided that Friday would work out best for us to hang out at his house. I texted him around two that day that I’d be heading over and he responded with ‘Great I can’t wait to see you,’ with a smiley face at the end, always with the smiley faces… I rounded the corner and his house came into view. He was out in the front messing with a red lawn mower in his drive way. As I got closer I could see that the grass was freshly cut and that Dean did not have a shirt on, just a pair of worn Jeans held up by a leather belt.

I watched him for a moment from half way up the driveway as he tinkered with it before clearing my throat, letting him know that I was there. He jumped, snapping his head up in surprise.

“That was fast,” He smiled. “I thought I would have had at least another ten minutes to finish up with this and shower real quick,” He brushed himself off as he rose to his feet. I smiled sheepishly, shrugging my shoulders.

“Sorry, guess I’m a fast walker," I replied as I walked the rest of the way up where I was greeted with a kiss on the cheek and another one of his gorgeous smiles.

"Wearing a t-shirt, huh?" He poked one of the hickeys that hadn’t faded. “It’s almost like you had awesome sex or something,” He joked as he bent over to get a bottle of water that was on the pavement.

"Yeah, too bad the guy’s a dick.” He snorted and shook his head before taking a long gulp from the bottle before answering. I watched the water travel down his throat, his Adam’s apple bobbing under sheen of sweat was tempting and I had to lick my lips that I feel like I needed to moisten.

He threw his thumb over his shoulder to point back to the house. "It's hot as hell out here and I need to rinse off before we do anything else.”

We continued to talk as he put the lawn mower away and then I followed him into the house. He explained to me that it was just us in the house for right now and that Sam would be coming home later after his date with Jess.

The house still seemed out of order from the party even though it happened some days ago. As we walked through the living room I could see two black garbage bags in the kitchen by the patio doors that lead into a decent sized back yard that Dean had freshly mowed. There wasn’t much in terms of landscaping, but there was a large maple tree on a slight hill towards the back and an old forgotten green swing set next to the privacy fence that the yard was in closed in.

"Still cleaning up?" I asked. Dean just rolled his eyes and sighed, shaking his head.

"I'm never letting him throw a party here again. Every time I think I've cleaned up all the crap I end up finding another mess or something that had gotten broken, it's fucking ridiculous!" He laughed, but he was clearly annoyed by it.

"You like to keep things clean?" There was a small smile on his lips; we started climbing the stairs that lead upstairs.

"When I can," He sighed again when we reached the top. He was walking in front of me and I bumped into him when stopped to open a door, a closet. I mumbled out an apology and he hummed at it as he took out a white towel out, pausing.

"Will you be joining me?" I was about to answer before I realized that the question was laced with humor. A smile cracked across his face and I was very tempted to kiss him then. It was strange having a thought like that I remembered thinking. "I'm kidding," He said after a moment. I scoffed and pushed past him.

"I'm not an idiot. I can tell a joke when I hear one." His face faltered when I'd replied with the snarky comment over my shoulder.

"I never said you were one." I rolled my eyes in response as we continued walking to his bedroom. I paused for a moment to appreciate a framed photo on the wall that had a younger Dean, Sam and a man and a woman in the picture who I assumed was their mother and father. They were all smiles and reminded me of one of those typical American happy go lucky families you see on the T.V.

“Is this your mom and dad?” I turned to him.

“Yeah, they split a few months after that photo was taken. They used to fight a lot.” He shrugged, “That was like ten years ago, so I don’t remember much.” He didn’t seem too broken up about it, actually he seemed almost happy.

Dean asked me to get the PlayStation three set up and to pick out a game while he took his shower. I didn’t have any form of game consoles at my house except for a DS, (could that even be considered a game console?) So there was a moment of confusion on how to even start it up let alone log in. After I figured out the controls I started to look through his games that he had in a drawer. “Grand Theft Auto, Fallout: New Vegas, Sims,” I started to rattle them off out loud as I read the titles then the descriptions, most of the games were violent and involved guns and crap. “Call Of Duty, Assassins Creed Brotherhood-”

“That one’s new.” Dean’s voice came from the door way, startling me. He only had the towel wrapped around his waist. His hair looked like it had been just towel dried and he still had water dripping off of his body. “I haven’t gotten a chance to play it that much though,” He said as he walked past me to pull a pair of grey boxer-briefs out of his dresser. I watched him let the towel drop to the floor, giving me a nice view of his ass that was a few shades lighter than the rest of his body.

“Like what you see?” He asked smugly while he pulled up the garment.

“Maybe,” I mussed before turning back to reading the description of the game. I listened to him walk around the room gathering articles of clothing until he was fully dress in off black cargo shorts and a black tank top. He took the game out of my hands without asking and I was going to yell at him out of habit, but his lips were on mine as soon as I had lifted my head, catching me by surprise.

His eyes were closed and since he was so close to my face I could see that he had many freckles that peppered his face, ones that you could only see if you got close enough as mwah. I too closed my eyes and pressed more into the kiss. My heart sped up a few beats when his tongue flicked across my bottom lip asking for entrance and I did not protest. I opened my mouth to let him in and he wasted no time in taking over the brief heated kiss. I tilted my head to give him better access as he ran a hand down my stomach to feel my growing erection and then fucking pulled away.

“Nu-uh,” He got up from me and turned back to setting up the game.

“Fuck you,” I mumbled under my breath.

“Maybe later sweetheart, right now I want to kick your ass at Call Of Duty.”

The heat that had been building up in my stomach had dissipated by the time that he got the damn thing working. While he was explaining the controls and such to me I noticed something that pulled painfully at my heart. While looking down at Dean’s hands as he played I could see the faint lines of scars along the insides of his arms. I hadn’t seen them last week, but that was probably due to the fact that they were faded enough to where I could tell that that were at least a couple years old and that in only certain light could you see them clearly.

Dean seemed to notice my staring, either because my character had be walking into a rock wall for the past minute or he could feel my eyes on him, probably both.

“They’re old.” He said casually as if we were talking about the weather.

“When did you stop?” I asked slowly. I half expected him to say that he hasn’t because I knew for a fact that it was a particularly hard habit to beat, often pulling them back in after a dry spell. I myself had never considered cutting. Sure I have a few cigarette burn scars on my lower ribs, but I only did that when I was having a really,  _really_ bad days, and that was soon put to a stop from my mother finding out about it when she barged in on me while I was getting dressed for school two years back.

“Three or four, maybe five years ago? I try not to think about it that much.”

“Oh, okay.” I turned back to the screen and attempted to get into the game again, not that I was really into it to begin with. I couldn’t stop thinking about it though. Dean seemed happy enough right now as far as I could tell from our past week of getting to know each other. That and the few times that I’ve heard Sam talking about him over the years, can’t judge a book by its cover I guess.

“They don’t bother you, do they?” This time he did turn away from the game to look at me. His eyes didn’t look sad, nor was it fear; it was something else that I couldn’t describe quite right.

“What?” I shook my head. In the background I could hear my character getting killed yet again. “No, no- it doesn’t- It would never bother me,” I stuttered. He didn’t say anything at first he just smiled at me. It wasn’t a big one, but it was appreciative none the less.

“Thank you,” He turned back to the game and continued to play. I only gave him a confused look before I returned to the game. Why was he thanking me? Not being bothered by someone’s past shouldn’t deserve a ‘thank you’ or any type of praise.

“Why are you thanking me?” I clicked the right trigger to take out someone who came from around the corner, finally killing someone. Thinking that pulled weirdly at my chest.

“Because not everyone is accepting of shit like this,” He let go of the controller and made a gesture with his left arm towards the white lines that varied in size that went half way up the other. “Most people get weird or they turn total asshole mode on me, y’know?” I hummed in understanding, getting a headshot in the process.

Dean and I continued to play video games for a couple of hours and we only stopped because one: I was getting frustrated that I was always loosing, getting shot, blown up or getting my throat slit by him or the computer generated dicks. And two: it was getting close to dinner time and Dean had promised pizza.

“Want to stop and order pizza?”

“Yes, please,” I flopped back onto his bed with a sigh. “I don’t think I’m cut out for this crap.”

“You’re just going to give up after just a few hours?” I propped myself up using me elbows so I could look at him. He turned around to look at me after he turned everything off.

“Dude, I suck.” He raised his finger to shush me.

“There’s always room for improvement,” He said in a matter of fact tone. “By the time I’m done with you, you’ll be an expert.” I tried not to read too much into his words as he helped me up from the bed.

We made our way back downstairs so we could use the house phone in the kitchen to order the food and a two liter of Pepsi.

“I can’t believe you don’t like mushrooms or black olives,” I said around a mouthful of pizza. Dean just shook his head as he finished swallowing his own bite of pizza and took a gulp of his carbonated drink.

“Nope, not gonna budge, never liked ‘em never will.” He polished off two more pieces of pepperoni pizza and poured himself another glass of pop before talking again, saying that he was full after the total of four pieces that he had demolished. I myself had eaten almost my entire pizza (We each had ordered separate ones) and intended on polishing the rest of it off. “How in the _hell_ can you eat that much food?” I looked up at him from my last slice of pizza that I was about to take another bite out of. “Do you have a hollow leg or something?”

I put my half eaten slice back on my plate. “I just really like food,” I laughed it off, but the fact of the matter was that I hadn’t eaten breakfast or lunch today and yesterday I hadn’t really had anything because I’d gotten into another fight with my parents and refused to leave my room afterwards. I almost didn’t make it out of the house earlier today.

“I mean I really love food- but damn you can really put it away.” He slapped me on the back jokingly and I returned to my food. Not one second after I finished eating Sam walked through the door. He had a couple plastic bags in his hands and almost dropped them when he saw me.

“Hey, what’s up lovebirds?” He asked as he walked past us to set the stuff on the counter so he could come over and give me one of his signature bear hugs, lifting me out of my seat.

I looked down at Dean silently asking for help because it felt like my eyes were about to pop out of my head and I couldn’t breathe but he wasn’t looking at us. He had his hand covering his face and he was mumbling something under his breath while shaking his head. “Castiel it’s been,” He squeezed me even tighter and spun me around like he did last week, giving the same nauseating affect, “So long since I’ve seen you.”

“D… Dean…” I coughed out, “Help… Me.” He finally looked up at us with an annoyed look, concern washing over his features when he saw me.

“Sam stop you’re killing him-“ There was two distinct pops in my back and shoulder before he said ‘okay’ and let me go to fall to the hardwood floor gasping for breath. Dean kneeled down beside me to see if I was okay. The only answer he got was cough that vaguely sounded like an ‘I feel sick,’ as I closed my eyes and tried to push the feeling back down. “Great, look what you did! You fucking broke him!”

“He was supposed to tape out!” I imagined Sam uncrossing his arms and gesturing both of them to me in an animated fashion. “I thought he would tell me when he’s had enough!”

“Clearly that wasn’t the case,” I opened my eyes just in time to see Dean’s eyes roll.

“I’m fine-“

“Dean, no he’s not. Go take your boyfriend up to your room and kiss his booboos all better.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Dean said before I could answer, “At least not yet anyway,” I could feel the blush coloring my cheeks from embarrassment when he winked at me and gave me that gorgeous smile.

“Oh my fucking _God_ ,” Sam quickly started walking towards the stairs that lead the second floor. Dean started making gross kissing and other obscure noises and we both laughed when Sam flipped us off with both hands and told us to, “Get a fucking room!”

I hadn’t laughed that hard in a long, long time. It felt good. Whatever was going on between Dean and I felt good. His emerald eyes looking at me, so bright and happy and his smile, oh God his smile was fucking amazing.

“So what do you say?” I only was half aware of what he was saying, too lost in thoughts about him.

“Say ‘bout what?”

“Do you want to be my boyfriend?” What? Was he actually serious? I mean thinking about being with someone was one thing; actually being with them though was a whole new ballfield. I knew from the start that Dean was interested in being in a relationship with me, but I didn’t actually think that he would still want to after getting to know me better. And he didn’t really get any headway in that either. Whenever he asked a question I usually just gave him a short simple answer then turned it back to him.

“What?” My voice shook as I spoke. “You still want this? It’s only been a week, Dean.” I pointed out.

“Yeah, well we obviously both like each other and you only live once, so why the hell not?” He was being a little pushy, but that made me feel like I was actually wanted and indeed had an effect on my answer.

“Fine,” As soon as the words left my mouth a ridiculously large grin was plastered across his face. “But I swear to God if this is going to work you need to tell your brother to stop breaking my back every time we see each other.”

“He’s your friend, you tell him.”

“Oh trust me I’ve tried,” I slowly got up from the floor with Dean’s help. “And he doesn’t give a damn what I say.” I have him my best puppy eyed look and that seem to get him to finally comply.

I yelped as he pulled me into a kiss. It wasn’t heated; it was soft and sweet and made me feel like I was walking on the moon. He let his hands rest on my hips as he pulled away to continue speaking. “Castiel Novak you got yourself a deal.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I edited this while running on 3 hours on sleep so if there's anything amiss just blame my sleep deprived brain.


	3. The fall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hate the way this chapter turned out please excuse any mistakes

It had been four months since Dean and I had gotten together.

Summer had gone by in a flash with Dean by my side and school came all too soon for the both of us. We had done so many things over the past few months, stuff that I’ve never thought of doing, or thought I would enjoy. We went hiking quite often (I enjoy the quietness and the scenery) and he would also take me to his uncle’s workshop to help him work on some of the cars occasionally as well. I didn’t know jack shit about cars so most of the time it ended up being just him working on them as he talked, but still.

That all came to a halt once I started school thanks to my parents. I’d been back for around a month and had only seen Dean twice- both times very brief. Once when he was picking up Sam from school and last week when I told my parents I was going out for a run and we talked for half an hour, made out for a few minutes and then I headed home.

It seemed the longer I was with Dean the more my parents didn’t like him. I couldn’t see why though. I mean I knew why. They were homophobic assholes that wanted their son to marry some pretty lady. But Dean was so good for me. They didn’t seem to care though.

“Psst.” I looked up from my notebook and looked over to where the noise has come from. It was my friend Balthazar and he was giving me a perplexed look. I returned the look and mouthed the word ‘what?’ “What are you day dreaming about over there lover boy? Mr. Jackson is going to yell at you again,” He said in a harsh whisper.

“I think you have me confused with yourself,” I huffed, rolling my eyes. We were in algebra, my last and least favorite class. It was Thursday and tomorrow was some holiday I couldn’t remember the name of so we weren’t going to have school and I was determined to see Dean later today no matter what.

Class ended without incident and everyone quickly got up out of their desks as soon as the bell rang. I quickly walked down the hall to my locker with Balthazar at my heels.

“Are you going to see Mr. Freckle Face?” He cooed with a grin.

“Maybe.” I couldn’t help the smile that crept onto my face as I opened my locker to get my books and notes out. I could hear him practically buzzing with excitement from behind me.

“So,” He started as he leaned against the lockers, tone somewhat serious now. “Have you guys had sex yet?” I nearly dropped my books, just catching them before they hit the floor; my notes however had flung all over the floor, catching a few other students’ attention that happened to be walking by. I swore as I dropped to the floor grimy floor to pick them up.

“Dude, I already told you that we had sex the first day we met!” I whispered harshly. I rose to my feet after I had collected them all. “Why the hell would you ask me that in school?!” I looked around anxiously as I spoke.

He let out a snicker and waved his hand dismissively. “No, I mean like since the first day you met?”

“What-“

“Come on Cassie! Give me the juicy details!” He started rubbing his hands together and gave me a look that had always managed to creep me out. I sighed and leaned against the lockers as well.

“Come to think of it- no we haven’t. I mean we talk about it a lot and we’ve done other stuff, but when it actually comes down to it we don’t?” I shrugged. “Like- I don’t know, it’s hard to explain.”

“Sounds like you guys really like each other.”

“Well I would hope so,” I laughed. “It would be pretty damn awkward if we didn’t.”

Balthazar had left me to go get his stuff from his own locker, saying quick goodbyes and a good luck as we went our separate ways from the school building. As I walked down the sidewalk I could see Sam sitting on a bench by the parking lot. He was having a rather heated conversation on the phone. The closer I got the more the concern grew in my chest. I caught the last of the conversation as I approached.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can- I can’t do that. I have to stop at home first so I can get the car- Dad stop biting my fucking ear off I know!” He snapped the flip phone shut and buried his face in his hands with a sob.

“Sam…?” I put a hand on his shoulder. His head snapped up, his tear filled eyes meeting mine.

“Oh, hi Cas,” He started wiping at his face with the sleeve of his flannel shirt.

“What’s wrong?”

“My dad called,” He cleared his throat. “Dean’s in the hospital.”

“What?” Panic started to build in my chest. “What happened to him? Is he okay? Oh God please tell me he’s okay-“

“He got jumped after his shift at Bobby’s. He got beat up pretty bad and that’s all I know. My dad wouldn’t tell me anything else over the phone.” My legs gave out from under me and I collapsed onto the pavement.

 I needed to see him and make sure he’s okay was the first this that came to my mind. The second was that their father was at the hospital with Dean. “Why is your father with Dean?”

“He came back into town for the week and was going to pick Dean up from his shift and that’s when he found him.” I could feel the wetness start to well in my eyes and I brought a hand up to wipe them away. Sam slowly got up from his seat to help me up. I took the hand that he had extended and pulled myself up. I could feel the bruises that were sure to form later from the impact of the cement as I moved my legs.

“I need to leave, like right now-“

“Can I come with you?” I rushed out before he could turn away from me. Sam turned back to me; his eyes were red, instead of the anger that had been clearly all over his face switched to confusion then concern.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea. Our dad is going to be there and as far as I know he doesn’t know you and Dean are together.” The anxiety and fear that was swelling in my chest grew significantly. I had never met their father before and there was a good reason for it. John was extremely homophobic and _very_ stubborn. Dean had told me at one point he tried coming out to him, but changed his mind once he saw that his father had been drinking and decided against it.

I needed to see him. I _needed_ to make sure that he was okay.

 As much as hated to say it I still made the suggestion. “We don’t have to tell him that we’re together.” The words felt like poison in my mouth. I hated not being able to express who I was. I had spent too many of my years hiding who I really was and I could not stand to hide in the shell of the person I once was. “We’ll just tell him I’m a good friend or something.” He rubbed a hand over his face as he thought it over for a moment.

“Fine.” And with that we had rushed out of the school parking lot. Thankfully their street was only two blocks away from the school. As we sped walked to their house Sam filled me in that John had taken Sam to school and dropped Dean off at work in his own car for whatever reason. The house and the Impala came into view and Sam picked up the pace to a run and I followed right behind him. My heart was pounding as I swung the car door open and sat down in the passenger seat, Sam taking the driver’s.

Dean always left a spare set of keys in a compartment under the driver’s seat in case he needed to get out of the house quickly. It was risky considering that somebody could steal the car if they knew about it, but considering only the three of us knew about it was unlikely. Sam started up the car and we were on the highway in a matter of minutes.

The hospital had that typical hospital smell and only added to my ever growing anxiety. We both walked up to the front desk and told the nurse who we were and that we were there to see Dean. She smiled at Sam, but gave me a look that resembled a more polite bitch face when we told her that I was Dean’s boyfriend. Regardless she still pointed us in the direction of his room and told us that the room was 203.

I was the first to move away from the desk and quickly make my way down the hall until we reached the closed door and I was about to open it, Sam’s hand stopping me. He gave me knowing look before he finally let go, letting me walk in first. The first thing that came into view was a man sitting in a chair at the end of the hospital bed that looked up at me as soon as I walked in. He had dark hair un-kept hair and his scruff was a mixture of grey and black. His features hardened until he saw that Sam was behind me, softening every so slightly.

“Who the hell is this?” I flinched at his words, suddenly feeling very small. He had his finger raised and was pointing it at me. Sam cleared his throat and walked past me.

“His name it Castiel. He’s a good friend of ours-“

“Cas?” There was rustling of sheets on the other side of the curtain that was blocking my view of Dean. “Cas is that you?” His voice was quiet and it sounded like he was in a lot of pain. A different kind of fear started to creep into my chest. I was scared to see how bad he was. I pushed those thoughts away and slowly walked over until he was in view. My breath hitched at the sight that was before me and my legs almost gave out from under me again.

His head was wrapped in gauze where he had clearly taken a blow where blood was starting to seep though. His right eye was swollen shut and was a sickening black and purple that crept over the bridge of his nose almost to the other eye. His lip was badly split and a dozen other scrapes and bruises littered his face, neck and what we could see of his shoulders.

“Oh, Dean,” My voice shook greatly and I felt like I was going to collapse into a puddle of tears. A small sad smile pulled at the corners of his mouth, making him wince. I slowly sat down at the side of the bed, making sure not to accidently sit on him or pull any of the cords connected to his body. I could hear John say something to Sam in the background as I placed my hand over Dean’s that laid folded on his lap. “Dean what happened?” He adjusted his hand so he could wrap his fingers around mine as he spoke.

“Some assholes jumped me when I went outside after my shift was over at Bobby’s,” He shifted so he was sitting up more, wincing then coughing. “They caught two of the five of them, guys who I’d never met before in my life.”

“There were _five_ of them-? Why the hell did they attack you?” Dean glanced from me to his father, then back to me, effectively giving me the message without actually saying anything. They attacked him because he was gay- but how did they know he was? Or where he worked? Not very many people knew that we were a couple, when people asked we were honest and sure as hell weren’t shy about it. We often held hands in public, but we knew that there was a place and time for everything.

“I don’t know.” He attempted to shrug. “I hit my head hard against the pavement and had to get stitches, and they might have to drill a hole in my head because I have a concussion.” He took his hand out from under mine and pointed to a side of his head. “Do you want to see?” There was a humor in his voice, his attempt at lightening the situation. I just looked at him.

“No, not really.” He frowned at my response. He paused for a moment before attempting so speak again. “Dean-“ He wasn’t moving. He just laid there staring at me, not even blinking for a long time. I placed my hand on Dean’s right forearm, the one that wasn’t in an off white cast and shook him gently.

I was about to repeat his name, but my words caught in my throat as his eyes rolled into the back of his head and he started to convulse violently. I looked over to one of the screens and it showed that his heart rate had gone up significantly, another machine started screaming.

“Dean!” I got up from the bed in surprise and turned to Sam and John who were getting up from their seats against the wall, scraping against the floor. John rushed out of the room to get a nurse and Sam moved the machine that was closest to Dean that he threatened to knock over with his arm.

“What’s wrong with him?!” I moved to hold him still by his shoulders, but Sam stopped me. I tried pulling my arm out of his grip, but he wouldn’t let go.

“I think he’s having a seizure!” He yelled over the machines screeching. “If we try to hold him down he might hurt himself even more!” I mentally cursed at myself for not knowing that. John and a couple doctors had rushed in asking us to move out of the way. As we were pushed practically into the corner of the room I could see him stop thrashing. My heart stopped beating when I saw the heart monitor b line.

“What’s wrong with him?!” My question fell on deaf ears as they scrambled to get a defibrillator on him. A woman rubbed the two paddles together before she yelled for everyone to move away. His body lifted off of bed as the electricity coursed through his body. Nothing happened so she did it again. And again.

_Come on Dean! Don’t you fucking dare give up on me! Don’t you dare leave me here alone!_

They did it two more times before his heart started beating again. I didn’t even get a chance to suck in the breath I didn’t realize I had been holding when they disconnected him from some of the machines and wheeled him out of the room. I stopped one of the nurses before they left and repeated my question.

“We don’t know for sure, but we think it was most likely a brain aneurism. If it is it most likely ruptured from the blow to his head. We’re taking him to get scanned by an MRI, and then we’ll know for sure. If it is we’ll have to operate as soon as possible.” She left us to join the others.

I turned to Sam and John. Sam looked drained, John on the other hand looked angry.

“You said your name was Castiel, right?” A chill shot down my spine and the hairs on the back of my neck stood up on end at the look he was giving me. Sam’s worked a hand through his hair before placing it on his shoulder, to which he shrugged off.

“Dad, please don’t do this now- we need to be focusing on Dean-“

“Oh, I am!” John turned to snap at him. “I’m worrying about how Dean’s probably getting fucked by this faggot!” My nose twitched in aggravation. “Are you?”

“Even if we were that’s none of your damn business.” He scoffed and turned his back to me. He turned to leave the room and took a few steps before stopping. I almost didn’t dodge the fist that he had swung at my face. His face was twisted in anger.

“It is to my fucking business!” He swung at me again and this time his hand hit me right in the jaw, making me tumble backwards into the chair that Sam had been sitting in. The momentum of my fall made the chair tip over with me in it, crushing my right hand between the arm of the chair and the floor, simultaneously hitting my head hard against the tile.

“Dad, stop!” I barely heard Sam’s frantic yelling over the pounding and spinning of my head. The edges of my vision started to turn dark, something heavy slammed down on top of me knocking out what little air I had in my lungs.


End file.
